We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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