Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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