escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
