How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
