Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
what day is it and did you see me today?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
