it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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