EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
