it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
