DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
