I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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