Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
