I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
