my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
