you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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