That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Randomize
