no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
