I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
