i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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