I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Please, let me fuck your mom
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Randomize
