All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
