Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
