This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
