my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
