Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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