Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
