The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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