you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
