I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
