it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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