Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
3pm strippers are depressing
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
