Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
