I think my vagina is haunted
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
