Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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