I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
