I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
