I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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