i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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