don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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