We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
