I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
