He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
