My sheets look like a crime scene.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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