Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
