i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
