I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
