Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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