last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
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