as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
