Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
