who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
dude i'm inner monologue high
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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