I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Randomize
