Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
