i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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