I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
