Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
