Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
