My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
