your parents love me but you hate me
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
