So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
