I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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