I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
