And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
