honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
