I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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