thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
