so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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