Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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