I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm both gender and math confused
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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