Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
