i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
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