What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
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