I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
