I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
