oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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