Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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