Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
